Freudian Slap

I am not a bad man. Despite the shift work, the abuse and confrontation inherent working in front-line medicine I generally maintain an even temperament.

However, overnight I was confronted by an angry and aggressive middle-aged male weighing 183kg (400lb). His behaviour was intolerable, exemplified by a tirade of rude and inappropriate comments to the nursing staff and failure to use a mandated receptacle to contain his urethral eliminations (choosing instead to graphically represent his apellation on the cubicle wall from over his bed-rails).

In order to address this issue and calmly take control of the situation I strode into his cubicle and attempted to say – “Sir, your behaviour is causing offense. Would you kindly refrain from being so abusive to the nursing staff”. However, confronted by the gentleman’s incredible Falstaffian girth I inadvertently blurted:

Mate, pipe down and stop being so obesive…

Following this Freudian slap there fell a moment of calm as silence embraced semantic cerebration and basked in the adulation of the neologistic choir….then all Hell broke lose as a torrent of vehemence and angst united on a new adversary.

| ə(ʊ)ˈbiːsiv |

Obesive

• adjective –  Fat and Angry
• descriptive term for corpulent persons prone to using insulting, coarse or derogatory language