I’m Just Trying To Get Clean Bro’


Hey bro’, what ya doin’

I’m doin’ salts man…bath salts Woooah, cool man

Yeah man, this stuff is pure bro’

…refreshingly intense with subtle undertones of lavender…

At least that’s how the story goes…

I can only roll my eyes in despair whilst listening to the usual Saturday night conversation in Utopia.

Muttered shadows pervade the lugubrious intermission chamber with a festive rainbow of illicit degustations. Red tablets, green pills, yellow capsules, white poppers, purple hum-dingers and now…pure bath salts.

Well, not exactly pure…

Australians are experimenting with Ivory Wave Bath Salts. Ivory Wave is sold in 500mg packets labelled “for novelty use only” with no dosage instructions. Ivory Wave is supposed to contain “Epsom Salts, Sodium Barcarbonate, Sodium Chloride, minerals, trace elements and naturally occurring amino acids“. However the actual ‘active’ constituent is more likely to be methylenedioxypyrovalerone (MDPV) according to tests performed by ninemsn and University of Sydney Chemistry Professor Paul Groundwater


MDPV is a stimulant with a multitude of negative side effects including:

  • Physical: Tachycardia, hypertension and profuse sweating
  • Mental: Increased alertness, awareness, arousal, wakefulness, euphoria, anxiety, agitation and the perception of a diminished requirement for food and sleep.

According to an anonymous, but fresh smelling Ivory Wave user from Newcastle

  • Ivory Wave provides profound stimulation and empathy, as well as mild, yet blissful, euphoria. However, the initial “magic” diminished rapidly, leaving the user strongly compelled to snort again.
  • The user was left with a a painful hangover, emotional fragility, diminished cognitive ability, muscular pain and a sore jaw and loss of appetite

Australian drug users are ordering Ivory Wave through research chemical websites based in Europe, which disguise the drug’s true identity by selling it as a “soothing bath salt”. But beware, Ivory Wave is most probably illegal in Australia under the analogue drug laws due to its structural similarities to pyrovalerone and MDMA.

I guess if you were really looking for an imported ‘bath salt’ you would probably not be on a site called ‘Zonged‘ and the instructions would be less open to misinterpretation

A very stimulating powder. Some say it enhances mood and gives you lots of energy. Please note: Only a very small amount is required. Probably much less than you think.

BA MA (Oxon) MBChB (Edin) FACEM FFSEM. Emergency physician, Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital.  Passion for rugby; medical history; medical education; and asynchronous learning #FOAMed evangelist. Co-founder and CTO of Life in the Fast lane | Eponyms | Books | Twitter |

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