Much has been made of diagnosing potential abnormalities and consistent ‘normalities’ within the ECG of athletes.

However, little research has been afforded other significant ECG changes consistent with emotional disturbances manifesting as electrical pertubations within the electrocardiograph.

The Utopian College call upon the wider academic cardiological community to fund research into the under-diagnosed conditions of ‘calligraphitis‘ or literary heart syndrome and the positive electropenogram

Calligraphitis is often seen within the cardiac tracings recorded on the more sensitive and artistic members of our patient community.

  • Diagnostic criteria: Concordant, complex oscillatory changes throughout all leads.
  • Implied association: Patients presenting with calligraphitis are more often sensitive, caring individuals with strong artistic tendencies and prone to spontaneous outbursts of song, excessive rhyming and/or alliteration.

Professor Throckmorton, our new Head of the Committee Of Continuing Knowledge, has spent the last 13 years investigating Wolkenkuckucksheim and ithyphallic activity occurring in Electrocardiographs.

After an exhausting 12 month statistical analysis by the backroom boffins, the retrospective review of 26 832 ED cardiac tracings has finally been completed. The results of this BACCHUS-II trial are open to interpretation, lack little scientific credibility and are on the whole inaccurate. However, in this world of eminence based medicine where the statistics never lie it is prudent to take note of the studies findings.

  • Resting Positive Electropenograms were recorded in 2.6% of the general population, 3.4% of inmates and 13% of administrators (p = 0.02; 95% confidence interval, 1-99%)
  • The maximum prevalence of Positive Electropenograms occurred on Friday and Saturday evenings (80%) with a staggerring 93% on Public Holidays.

As yet it is uncertain as to what a positive Electropenogram might mean for the patient but some of the LITFL team have their theories…

Electropenogram positive

BA MA (Oxon) MBChB (Edin) FACEM FFSEM. Emergency physician, Sir Charles Gairdner Hospital.  Passion for rugby; medical history; medical education; and asynchronous learning #FOAMed evangelist. Co-founder and CTO of Life in the Fast lane | Eponyms | Books | Twitter |

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