Live non-attenuated transmissible vaccine

Vaccine production during a pandemic encounters severe bottlenecks that give rise to the shortages that health departments dread.

Chief among these bottlenecks is the availability of bioreactor organisms with sufficient capacity to produce this vital preventative medicine. Professor Staghorn of the UCEM‘s Inquisitorial Disciplinary Committee has revealed that an intriguing new development saw flu cases plummet this year after the unintentional early release of a novel agent. Known as the Virtually Indistinguishable Respiratory Usage Saver (VIRUS) Particle, this agent was the latest release from the Centre for Community as a Culture Producer (CCCP), headed by none other than the notorious Commander Harrison Biscuit III.

The VIRUS particle was designed to be effective against the flu, but was still under evaluation during its accidental release in 2009. Under the duress of Staghorn’s minions, the CCCP has finally accepted responsibility for the unintentional loss of control over the flu VIRUS particle, but only after publishing a raft of new studies demonstrating its effectiveness in reducing this year’s flu burden.

According to a CCCP spokesman:

“VIRUS was an exciting new way to produce vaccines. The technology was open source, with everyone making their own contributions to the core technology.”

VIRUS was accidentally released in Mexico in 2009 after Cdr. Biscuit trialled the agent on himself whilst in the seclusion of a piggery, in a Marshallian attempt at wining the Nobel Prize. After the outbreak, it seems unlikely that Cdr. Biscuit will receive an invitation from Stockholm, although a summons to Holland to face the ultimate human ethics disciplinary panel at The Hague for crimes against humanity, appears to be on the cards.

The CCCP spokesman further added that the group was:

…extremely pleased with the level of community participation in the project. This constitutes the largest uptake of any technology in human history. It went, well,… viral.

In a major shift, Cdr. Harrison has changed his coat and is attempting to evade detection and remain in circulation long enough to reproduce his results.


Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine

Molecular microbiologist, Post-Doc in infectious diseases research . Research focus on ESBL and carbapenemases. Current UWA Medical student | @CdrHBiscuitIII | LinkedIn |

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