The Ballad of Eric’s Prostate

One day, in a town not far from here, the Urology team were about to perform a radical prostatectomy on a middle aged man. He had a wry smile on his face, as we gassed him down. Must be the midazolam, thought the anaesthetist.

When he was fully asleep, he was stripped bare, but hidden in his jocks was a bit of paper. On that piece of paper there was a poem, which read…

Note to Dick Doc

Hey dear Doc,
I love my cock,
And have a girlfriend
Young and hot.

Now I may not be
The worlds best Bard,
But my girlfriend likes it
When I’m hard.

So I won’t ask
If you can spare a dime,
Perhaps another place,
And another time.

But my sex life
Is on upward curve,
So hey there buddy,
Can you spare a nerve?

This had the whole team in hysterics. The operation proceeded well, and the surgeon, presumably flattered by the effort, and unable to conceal his own aspirations at Shakespearean fame, composed his reply…

Response to Eric

Oh brave patient!
Your wishes are ancient!
With crafty words hidden
Down low, near forbidden.

A reminder to us,
The nerves are a must!
So to protect them for certain,
We raised up a curtain.

Now the Evil is gone,
Your member will live on.
A reminder to all
Who this disease will befall,
That with modern surgical skill,
We are sure to Fulfil!

The Anaesthetist, not to be outdone, composed her own response, although the final word may have been altered to protect the innocent.

Dear Eric

To save your bits,
We did our best!
Mother Nature
Must do the rest.

For your wit,
You do deserve
To keep the power
In the all-important nerve.

With some surgical finesse,
And a bit of luck.
Your lovely girlfriend
Will remain a lucky duck.

The Anaesthetic Registrar, having come back from his 12th tea break for the morning, was rather proud of his contribution. He wrote…

Ode to Eric

Hi Eric!
You had us in hysterics,
You made us smile,
With your style.

So we shaved you there,
Because we care,
To get it right
Up, without a fight.

We did remember
To spare your member.
And with Viagra,
She’ll want to shag ya!

We wish you luck,
With every… year!

The poems were photocopied onto a double-sided A4 paper, and placed back “down there”.

Eric woke with a smile…

Specialist Intensive Care Physician working at the Austin Hospital, Melbourne. Interests: Shoulder Dislocations, Pain Management, End-of-life care, Organ Donation and ECGs | Linkedin |

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