Comms Lab: Angry people
Comms Lab: Episode 33
5 Lessons the Ocean Taught Me How To Deal With Angry People
In this video, I share the 5 lessons that the ocean has taught me about how to deal with angry people.
Managing people who are in the grip of rage, frustration, fury, or any flavour of anger for that matter, is one the most unpleasant parts of my job, and I know I’m not alone. This video gives some practical suggestions for staying calm in the face of that.
Got feedback for me? Great! I’m always trying to make my videos better and more relevant. Let me know what you think in the comments section, or anonymously via jotform
0:00 – Today the Ocean is Angry
0:40 – 1. Separate the Trigger From the Cause
2:30 – 2. Separate the Emotion from the Person
4:39 – 3. Your First Angle May NOT Be Your Best Angle
6:07 – 4. If You Have The Opportunity: PREPARE
7:06 – 5. Consider How You Can Align
9:26 – Summing it Up
References
Further reading
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Comms Lab
A path to highly effective communication skills
Hayden is an emergency physician at University Hospital Geelong and a senior lecturer at Deakin University, Geelong. He is somewhat obsessed with the science and art of effective communication, and in particular: difficult conversations. He believes that we can all get better at having difficult conversations, and that the process of learning to do so can be seriously fun.
Hayden is also an avid but terrible surfer, ad hoc gardener, and dad to two awesome kids. | LinkedIn |
2 Comments
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Hayden – thanks again for another great video. A couple of questions, if you have time:
1. I find I’m in the midst of trying to deal with an angry person before I remember anything you’ve said (slow down, be mindful…my ultimate wish!) – any ‘circuit breakers’ I can use to remind myself not to get angry in return?
2. A bit off topic, but how do you engage uninterested residents? I work in a rural town, and normally they are engaged and interested, but I have a group this term who (I think) want to be back in the big smoke, anywhere but here, and do not engage in any teaching (they turn up physically but are not there mentally). Any thoughts?
Grateful as always,
Annette
Hey Annette,
Thanks for your comments and great questions.
Finding yourself in the midst of dealing with an angry person, before you have the chance to prepare / adjust / reframe…
This is really, really hard. Unless your a fully enlightened buddha, my opinion is that this is a basic reality of human existence. I don’t have any evidence to hand to back this up, but if I was to share my own efforts to get better at this over the years, they would include:
a) A regular meditation practice, which includes some loving-kindness / “metta” practice directed towards angry people.
b) Frequent 5 second pauses throughout the day. I have an app on my phone called “mindfulness bell” which I can set to off randomly throughout the day. Everytime I hear it, I take a moment to reconnect mindfully with my sense and intentionally relax.
c) Reflective practice. Whenever I respond to anger in a way that I’m less than proud of, I take some time to reflect on how I could take ownership of the situation what I could have done or said differently. Mentally rehearsing the alternative approach helps set me up to behave differently if the same situation was to occur in the future.
Engaging disinterested residents…
Another tough one, and difficult not to take personally. My suggestion is find out what interests them, and then try to align teaching with those interests. When I “what interests them” I’m not just talking about what topics they might find interesting. I’m also referring to where their interests lie in terms of what’s important to them – i.e. where they see their future, what do they want to do with their career – what motivates them. The very fact that you’re inquiring will likely be an unusual experience for them (most of us don’t bother seeking to understand where our residents’ interests lie), and will itself facilitate engagement. If you can then take what you’ve learned and dovetail it with the curriculum, it’s possible you’ll see engagement pick up further.
I’d also be kind to yourself – perhaps this particular group has a deeper culture of disengagement that extends well beyond your involvement with them… and is therefore likely to be difficult to change.