Reducing the Budgetary Burden of Disease

Four years ago the Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine released a prophetic publication. After considering the economic cost of an ageing population, UCEM has devised new protocols to reduce the cost of care even further. Instead of actively hastening of inevitable outcome, measures to discourage use through inappropriate health service provision are being implemented. Although initially the Executive thought this  too callous to propose, the Council now salute the complete abandon for human suffering displayed by the new administration.The authors of the initial UCEM report thus propose a new medical paradigm, the “Social Hippocratic Oath”. This oath encourages doctors not to treat a person as an end in their own right, but as a means to an end. After all, if a patient could no longer be seen to have a social value, should we still treat them?

The new Executive has added a tenet to the Social Hippocratic Oath, “above all else, do no harm to the Utopian budget”. The philosophical shift offered by the Social Hippocratic Oath allows for medical ethics and right wing medical economics to coexist and HealthCare can finally save dollars, not lives.

In light of the new education revisions offered by Utopia, we believed Darwinian ideas were under assault. Not so it seems on the social policy front. The new fee structure being implemented as a disincentive to seek care will hit the poorest. We expect that the policy will have lasting unforeseen sociological victories, like eradicating poverty.

Some believe that the GP fees could see people inappropriately using the ED as happens in the US. We propose the following measures to prevent this:

Measures to reduce inappropriate ED use

  • $100 up-front fee.


  • Proof of membership at a yacht club.

OR Any Two of the Following

  • Golf club membership
  • Tennis club membership
  • Bridge club membership
  • Rotary club membership
  • Tax return showing taxable income of $80,000 or more
  • Ownership of a car worth over $70,000
  • Ownership of a property over $1,000,000
  • Career in Appendix A
  • Donations over $10,000 to political parties in Appendix B
Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine

Molecular microbiologist, Post-Doc in infectious diseases research . Research focus on ESBL and carbapenemases. Current UWA Medical student | @CdrHBiscuitIII | LinkedIn |

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