UCEM position statement on alcohol and idiocy

The Utopian College is pleased to announce that the ever so slightly controversial statement on alcohol and idiocy by Commander Harrison Biscuit III has been published in the illustrious Journal of Life as a Poor Science Analogy.

Neuro-protective Effect of Alcohol in Dealings With Idiocy

AUTHORS: Harrison Biscuit III* and Bruce Bruce

Institute of Finding an Excuse to Drink, University of Woolamaloo, Woolamaloo, Australia

Received January 2011/Returned to protract the publication process 2 November 2016/Accepted 2 May 2019 20

Abstract: In social outings involving idiots, alcohol was found to protect neurons against apoptosis in smarter individuals. The delay in sensory relay caused by alcohol consumption is the likely mechanism for this phenomenon. Whilst neurons were still lost in the experimental group, the rate of loss was significantly lower than in controls or placebo alcohol free beer intervention groups. Exposed control groups lost 4 AND (arbitrary neuronal density) more than their respective alcohol test cohort. Results were significant to >0.0001. The authors stipulate that beer may save braincells under severe intellectual-vacuum stress.

Further Reading

Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine

Molecular microbiologist, Post-Doc in infectious diseases research . Research focus on ESBL and carbapenemases. Current UWA Medical student | @CdrHBiscuitIII | LinkedIn |

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