Comms Lab: Episode 42
I-Messages: A Tool for Conflict Management at Work
How do we assert ourselves in a conflict without triggering defensiveness in the other person? The I-message (or I-statement) is a tool specifically for this purpose.
In this video I delve into the I-message, and provide examples for how to use this powerful tool to resolve a conflict both in the aftermath of a disagreement, and also, in the midst of a heated argument.
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0:00 – Introducing the I-Message
0:37 – What is an I-Message?
2:01 – What an I-Message is NOT
3:03 – Why are I-Messages so effective?
4:29 – Example 1: After a Conflict
6:13 – Example 2: In the Midst of a Conflict
7:48 – Pitfalls (and how to avoid them)
9:48 – The Final Word
- When to Use “I” Statements. In: 12 Skills: 4. Appropriate Assertiveness. Conflict Resolution Network.
- Bippus AM, Young SL. Owning Your Emotions: Reactions to Expressions of Self-Versus Other-Attributed Positive and Negative Emotions. Journal of Applied Communication Research, 2005; 33(1): 26-45
- Gordon T, WS Edwards. Making the patient your partner: Communication Skills for Doctors and Other Caregivers. Greenwood Publishing Group
- Kubany ES, Richard DC, Bauer GB, Muraoka MY. Verbalized anger and accusatory “you” messages as cues for anger and antagonism among adolescents. Adolescence. 1992 Fall;27(107):505-16
- Richards H. De-escalating Challenging Emotions in Others – A Battle-Tested Approach. 2022
- Richards H. 5 Skills for Validating Other’s Emotion to Access Their Best Self. 2022
- Nickson C. Breaking Bad News to Patients and Relatives. LITFL
- Richards H. The Commonest Mistake in Responding to Emotion. 2022
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A path to highly effective communication skills
Hayden is an emergency physician at University Hospital Geelong and a senior lecturer at Deakin University, Geelong. He is somewhat obsessed with the science and art of effective communication, and in particular: difficult conversations. He believes that we can all get better at having difficult conversations, and that the process of learning to do so can be seriously fun.
Hayden is also an avid but terrible surfer, ad hoc gardener, and dad to two awesome kids. | LinkedIn |