Reducing the Future Burden of Disease
Prophylactic Euthanasia: a Public Health Initiative to Reduce the Future Burden of Disease. The ultimate transfer of responsibility over patients, and a final solution to morbidity.
Category Medical Humour
UCEM position statement on alcohol and idiocy
In social outings involving idiots, alcohol was found to protect neurons against apoptosis in smarter individuals. The delay in sensory relay caused by alcohol consumption is the likely mechanism for this phenomenon.
Adaptive parasitology and free parking
Natural Killer Not Functioning to Combat Non-Presentation of MHC Due to Downstream Malfunction of Toll Like Receptor. A lesson in adaptive parasitology, and free parking. Full publication review from the Journal of Life as a Poor Science Analogy.
Casenote Bedside Ultrasound
UCEM Publication: Initial trials with the PHAQ-OFF trial with initially promising results
UCEM PR Supervisor Promoted
Egerton Yorick Davis IV was born in his ancestral home of Caughnawauga, Quebec. His early career was beset by naysayers who doubted he could ever emerge from the shadow of his great-grandfather, Egerton Y. Davis, the former US Army Captain renowned for first describing penis captivus.
UCEM Guidelines for Orthopedics
Egerton Y Davis IV unveils the latest guidelines to be produced by UCEM, the much anticipated Guidelines for Orthopedic Surgery.
Diploma of HTFU
UCEM announce the inauguration of a new educational qualification - the DipHTFU. Who is the first recipient of this prestigious award...
UCEM Promotes ‘Toughen Up’ Pill
Following on from its campaign against Softness, the Pharmacological Hegemony of the UCEM is pleased to announce, in conjunction with TTFU Pharmaceuticals the release of its new pill.
UCEM Guidelines on Resuscitation
UCEM has decided to preempt the next iteration of guidelines by creating their own. UCEM Guidelines on Resuscitation
Waiting Room Gynaecology
KorChUCEM have devised a mathematical model to allow 'hands free, fully clothed gynaecological consultations' within the Waiting Room.
UCEM Mission Statement
Utopian Medicine is a medical discipline focused on proactive management of patients outside conventional emergency departments. It emphasizes training healthcare professionals and improving emergency care standards. Despite challenges like decreasing inpatient beds and inadequate training for staff, it critiques the idealized views of emergency medicine, acknowledging the complexities of patient care.
UCEM Develops Waiting Room Video
to reduce the number of Emergency Department presentations, UCEM is pleased to endorse the playing of David Shrigley's 'Don'ts' in all Dyshopian Emergency Department waiting rooms