Putting Patients at Ease
A new UCEM guideline is out: "Putting Patients at Ease". Apparently the best way to learn how to do something is to first learn how NOT to do it.
Category UCEM
Utopian Medicine is a medical discipline devoted to the pre-emptive, pre-emotive and peri-departmental management of patients coordinated by the Utopian College of Emergency for Medicine (UCEM).
UCEM Announces Electropenogram
UCEM is pleased to announce the introduction of a new test - the Electropenogram.
Downstairs Patients, Upstairs!
UCEM have enlisted the help of Dr. Scott Weingart (without his knowledge of course) to improve the care of patients presenting for assessment by Waiting Room Medicine subspecialists. UCEM’s Chair of Pedantry and resident super-genius, Professor Stickler is almost impressed…
UCEM Relocates
The UCEM have relocated from Swarmington-on-the-Wold to the more picturesque setting of Enlightenment Boulevard thanks to the generosity of it's fondling members and the subtly underhand and ever so slightly fraudulent work of our very own Chair of Indiscriminate Fines.
UCEM welcomes Prof Stickler
With the students mental welfare in mind, Prof Stickler uses his wry and perceptive sense of humour to great effect. For example, in the chapter on Bayesian inference his uproarious quote “10100111101101011101110001100110001100101011011010101010110100110000112” is still considered an exemplar of Euclidean literary miscellany within niche binary enclaves around the world.
Calligraphitis
UCEM call upon the wider academic cardiological community to fund research into the under-diagnosed conditions of 'calligraphitis' or literary heart syndrome and the positive electropenogram
UCEM Warns Against ADHD Treatment
Today, UCEM's Professor Stickler warned of the negative consequences of the current epidemic of methylphenidate and dexamphetamine used for the treatment of Attention Deficit/ Hypersensitivty Disorder (ADHD) in young people.
Australia lead the way in improbable research
Founded 20 years ago by Marc Abrahams, editor of the Annals of Improbable Research, the Ig Nobel awards recognise genuine academic research and "honour achievements that first make people laugh, and then make them think".
Adaptive parasitology and free parking
Natural Killer Not Functioning to Combat Non-Presentation of MHC Due to Downstream Malfunction of Toll Like Receptor. A lesson in adaptive parasitology, and free parking. Full publication review from the Journal of Life as a Poor Science Analogy.
Reducing the Future Burden of Disease
Prophylactic Euthanasia: a Public Health Initiative to Reduce the Future Burden of Disease. The ultimate transfer of responsibility over patients, and a final solution to morbidity.
UCEM position statement on alcohol and idiocy
In social outings involving idiots, alcohol was found to protect neurons against apoptosis in smarter individuals. The delay in sensory relay caused by alcohol consumption is the likely mechanism for this phenomenon.
Reducing the Budgetary Burden of Disease
Four years ago UCEM released a prophetic publication. Updated protocols to reduce the cost of care even further will save dollars, not lives